I’m honestly glad I didn’t grow up with social media. I created my first facebook account in 2007 (at the prompting of my sister) when I was maybe 16. I was homeschooled at the time, so I didn’t have very many people to add. But the invention of timehop and facebook memories has made me cringe at my early social media postings. So much so that I’ve made it my New Year’s resolution every year since 2016 to look at my memories almost every day and delete everything I’ve posted that I find embarrassing. I’ve also done an almost complete wipe of my Instagram at least once since opening my account back in college.

The thing is though, I created those accounts–shared those statuses and pictures, commented on those posts–of my own volition. I am able to have control over that content (to an extent… because the internet is forever) and opt out of or delete what I’d like. I’ve had control of my accounts since that information about me was posted to the world wide web.

If I grew up in today’s era, I would have little control over how I existed online from the moment I entered the world (and even before! #genderreveals) I’d have an online presence I’d have no control over, I’d also be unaware of how it would affect me in the future.

The topic of my daughter’s online presence has come up on both sides of my family, so I thought I’d write a detailed explanation of why pictures of her (or even information about her) are rarely seen on my social media feeds.

1. I don’t have much of an interest in having a social media presence, Isaac definitely doesn’t either. It’s not important for me to publicly share my life beyond a few photos and status updates, or an annual blog post. Sharing photos of her is not a priority. I also feel scummy when children are used as props on social media for likes or monetary gain: family vlog channels, influencers, or just average people looking for validation at the expense of their kids.
2. Have you ever been looking through childhood photos, or a school yearbook, and remembered embarrassing moments (thankfully not captured on film) or have been glad no one ever saw certain photos? Have you ever untagged yourself from a photo on Facebook or Instagram? With social media, children don’t have the luxury of their photos being taken on a disposable camera and slipped in a photo album, rarely seen, or in a box in the back of the closet. Parents will share almost every detail of their childrens’ lives without any thought of how it will affect them in the moment or when they are older. They can’t untag themselves or ask for a photo they’re uncomfortable with to be removed. Children need their parents to be their advocates. The internet is forever, and its impact is often unpredictable and potentially volatile. Just look at the rapid growth of AI technology.
3. I have worked in childcare in various forms: in a daycare, church nurseries, at summer camps, in a childrens’ home. I have been through trainings and seminars through those institutions (and of my own research) that have enlightened me on what dangers are out there and what steps can be taken to keep children safe. Those experiences and general “street smarts” concerning the internet have made me cautious of what should be shared about a child, or even about adults! I don’t think people understand how easy it is to find out private information from just a photo or a location tag (or the fact that social media will sell your info to Satan himself for a buck).

What’s my standard?

A photo I’d normally send out to family and friends, like family/school pictures or in a greeting card, is what I’ll feel more comfortable posting on social media. If I do share a more casual picture, it’s often not including her face at all or not a straight on/clear shot of her face (there are standards I learned from working with foster kids I loosely apply).

Maybe my own anxiety and paranoia has made me unreasonable. But my child not having a social media presence is not a loss, so I’m fine with it. This isn’t even a new concept. I have multiple peers who share the same standard. I’m also not trying to shame anyone who does regularly share photos of their kids. This is just how I operate and have had to retroactively inform people after pictures of her have been posted.

Another reason I thought I’d share is that I believe parents should be educated about the internet and really reflect on what they post about their child, or even themselves! I’d encourage everyone to consider having a standard of what they share online (whether you have kids or not). Look into your privacy security, what social media platforms do with your information, and what information you want to keep protected. It’s important.

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